When It’s OK to “Tap Out” as a Caregiver and Advocate for a Loved One

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Why self-care is essential for sustainable caregiving

Caring for a loved one—especially as both a caregiver and a healthcare advocate—can be one of the most meaningful, yet emotionally and physically demanding roles we take on. You might feel like you’re juggling a thousand tasks while trying to stay strong for someone you love. Even when you’ve checked every box, lined up all the resources, and advocated tirelessly, things can still shift unexpectedly.

I know this firsthand. My family and I are living our new “normal” while caring for my mom. As a nurse and a professional independent healthcare advocate, I’m trained to find solutions. But in this season of life, I’ve had to accept a difficult truth: sometimes, even when you know the root cause, the problem doesn’t completely go away. For my mom, the issue is her aging heart.

When the Care Plan Changes

Recently, our family made a significant change to my mom’s healthcare team. It turned out to be the right move. We finally had answers, and we celebrated this progress. But clarity doesn’t always equal resolution. That’s the hard part. Knowing what’s wrong doesn’t always mean you can fix it.

As caregivers, especially when we’re also family, this can feel like a heavy burden. We want to do everything, be everywhere, and protect the ones we love. But the truth is—we can’t do it all alone.

It’s OK to “Tap Out”—And Here’s Why

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is this: it’s not only OK to ask for help—it’s necessary. Tapping out doesn’t mean giving up. It means recognizing your limits and giving someone else the chance to step in. It means resting so that you can return to your loved one renewed, with more love, presence, and patience.

For me, tapping out looked like preparing a detailed healthcare binder and “to-do” list for my brother, who flew in from Vermont to care for our mom for nine days. I realized that I needed time to recharge so I could show up better for her.

And that is what my mom sees and feels—not the to-do list, not the medical jargon, but the love.

From Caregiver to Advocate—And Back Again

At Stepping Stone Advocacy Services, we meet families exactly where they are—overwhelmed, confused, or just tired. We bring organization, clarity, coordination, and compassion to the table. As nurse-patient advocates, we don’t just check boxes—we truly understand what it’s like to be in your shoes.

And because I’ve lived it, I want you to hear this clearly:
You have permission to “tap out.”
Not only for your own well-being but for the well-being of your loved one.

How We Can Help

Whether you’re just beginning the caregiving journey or deep in the trenches, you don’t have to do it alone. Our team of experienced nurse-patient advocates can support you and your loved ones with personalized care coordination, healthcare navigation, and compassionate guidance.

📞 Schedule a free introductory call today to learn how we can support you.

LORI IS EXTREMELY TALENTED!

What a great use of Lori’s talents!

I worked with Lori for several years during my career as an orthopedic surgeon. I know her to be not only compassionate and understanding but also a tireless advocate for what is right.

In difficult situations she was unwavering in her quest to enable me to provide the best possible care for my patients. She knows the system and how to work through it (and around it whenever necessary

LORI JUMPED RIGHT IN

If you are in need of a patient advocate, I would highly recommend Lori Schellenberg. She is extremely knowledgeable, effective, and professional. Knows when to be strong and forceful yet loving and caring with your loved one and your family. I was concerned about an elderly family member who had several severe falls, was forgetting to take medication, not eating healthy and not keeping up with housekeeping yet insistent she was fine and staying in her home. Even though Lori lived out of state she made phone calls on our behalf, made several recommendations to help us provide what our loved one needed and was an intermediary when it was necessary. Lori’s knowledge of geriatrics, continuous care/assisted living facilities, the health care system, long term care insurance and hospice is invaluable. She helped us put together a plan that provided the best and continuous care necessary for our loved one and our family. We are extremely thankful for her help and look forward to continuing to work with her as our loved one moves through the next phases of her life’s journey, thus enabling us to create loving memories.

LORI JUMPED RIGHT IN

My husband underwent nasal surgery 6 months ago, after he had a negative sleep study test and was referred to an ENT doctor due to continued fatigue and snoring.

Unfortunately, he developed two different serious infections, and we were concerned about his ongoing treatment with the ENT. In fact, we were very anxious because he wasn’t getting better but the surgeon was not clear with us as to what to do next.

When describing what was going on, Lori jumped right in, when she found out my husband was actually at the surgeon’s office at that time, and still did not understand the situation. She recommended that my husband ask to have the surgeon come back into the room, and to call her so that she could speak to the surgeon with my husband in the room. Lori was very professional and knowledgeable in her approach with his surgeon. She established a treatment plan, in a way that my husband could understand, and why this was the plan. She also discussed the “what ifs” the current treatment plan did not work. He ordered further tests to be completed prior to his next appointment, if he did not improve.

She followed up with my husband and I to make sure we understood the plan.

By advocating for my husband, Lori relieved a lot of anxiety and stress that this current medical concern was causing, and they felt more confident in the surgeon’s care.

We highly recommend Lori and Stepping Stone Advocacy Services, if you are experiencing a medical condition, and don’t know where to turn for answers. She is experienced and professional, yet able to discuss medical terms in a way that we understood.